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Professor Buddingsquarks
~poo! Professor Buddingsquarks is the artist name of Yon Glechit Cunt "Yoch it" Buddingsquarks. He is known for creating some of the most widely acclaimed albums on the legacy Vortex of Crap page, and his unique style of acoustic singer-songwriter shitcore assured his ascent in the shitcore charts. Origins Yon Glechit Cunt Buddingsquarks (henceforth known as either Yon, Budd or Prof Budd) (pronounced Yonn-gleckhit cunt) was born in 1954 and immediately placed into an orphanage when he called his parents "wee little fuckin twats!" He was adopted at the age of 3.2 and raised in a family of 40, however at the age of 8 he ran away to join the army and fight in the cold war. Nobody told him that there wasn't really any fighting in the cold war. At the age of 17, Yon was diagnosed with nothing, and was used for cryogenic experimentation. He was frozen at the age of 18 to test a cryo chamber, however the person in charge of the experiment died because he was 102 years old and forgot to retire 30 years ago and was like "fuck it, may as well keep going." Yon was then thawed out in the year 2013 by Michael Dicksense and Genius Incredible, who realised the artistic potential in the young lad because he had chubby chappy cheeks. Yon was given an acoustic guitar and a microphone, much to the dismay of literally everybody, and began learning the guitar. Inception into Vortex of Crap and "Magic Muff" My arsehole! In the spring of 2014, Yon submitted a demo called "yer face is an shambles" to Michael Dicksense, who loved it so much he uploaded it, however the album cover was shit so nobody paid any attention. The demo was submitted under the name "Professor Buddingsquarks," however Yon was not a professor in any sense of the imagination and likely had an IQ under 100. Prof Budd's first self-uploaded debut album Magic Muff went live soon after. It's unique style of singer-songwriter shitcore grabbed the attention of the few fans Vortex of Crap had managed to garner in the few months since it's inception. Tracks such as "Rabbits are fucking douches" and "Pratt Chant" especially impressed even the likes of Genius Incredible, who often cites the tracks as inspiration for his card games on saturday nights, where he pisses himself and squeezes his anus so tight it becomes diamond. The album details the young man's struggles with various things, such as rabbits attempting to steal his pet parakeet, "Amanalam," or his battle with an anorexic midget who was ultimately defeated via expert use of a cheeseburger. The story of The Prick versus Gandalf and Dumbledore was also retold in the track "prick vs gandalf and dumbledore," which won an Oscar II for it's adaption of the classic tale. Sophomore and third albums Prof Budd's second album, Space Arse!, proved to be slightly less of a success, however his song about the time he had a cheese sandwich went down pretty well. Similarly, the subsequent album Nob Forest did not so well, falling again under the radar and failing to reach the bar raised by the debut album Magic Muff. When asked about these albums, Yon had this to say: Fuckin aye fit the fuck ye deein min ken fuckin shit fuck off mate fuckin you cannae handle my buddingsquarks dick ken fuckin shit i fucked your cat and your mum and your pa and you right now I'm fuckin' you aye aye ken aye! Slave Rave: An Unexpected Hit In July of 2014, Buddingsquarks began work on a new album, titled 'Slave Rave'. The album would become Buddingsquarks' highest ranked album ever, and would be forever cemented in Vortex of Crap's history as one of the best releases on the bandcamp to that day. Tracks like "Romantic Pepsi," "Product placement" and "Sensible Manner" were great tracks, replacing the filler that Buddingsquarks' previous releases were plagued with, however, there was one track that stood out amongst the rest. The title track of the album, Slave Rave, was an unforgettable tune where Yon's talent truly shon through. In the immaculate verse of "I MET A BLACK MAN IN THE DANCE HALL, HE WAS RAVING, HE'S A SECRET NIGGER", Buddingsquarks sings about the inner freedom of a slave, who, although he was in captivity, could break free of his mental chains through the medium of dance. The chorus chanting of "SLAVE RAVE, SLAVE RAVE, SLAVE RAVE IT'S A SLAVE RAVE" would get stuck in your head for days on end, and the ending of "where is the stop recording button..where is it..there it is" is a blunder that Buddingsquarks left in purposefully, to show that he was only human, even though the quality of the song would make one think he was of divine origin. Cunt Castle In December 2014, Professor Buddingsquarks decided to get pissed and record an album. He accidentally turned up the recording volume, however, and the result was a much louder, punkier, distorted album, a definite style change from his previous acoustic work. The album was mostly forgettable, however fans of Yon's work have only praise for the headline track "EMEME!", which started a craze where "ememe!" became a popular chant. This track actually started the meme "ememe" itself, and it's also pretty good tbh. The track "Cease" was also a hit, the hard techno sound and extreme harsh volumes shocking most fans. Return to form Professor Buddingsquarks' first release of 2015, Pus Bus, saw the cold-war-born lad return to form, recording his accoustic tunes as they should be recorded. The album featured a new version of the classic track "Rabbits are fucking douches" as well as an acoustic version of "Cease". Both didn't really go down very well, however the track Anal Request was seen as a standout track, and had fans comparing it to The Beatles, as well as a poopy toilet. Plum Cum and the death of Professor Buddingsquarks In June of 2015, professor buddingsquarks began work on what would be his final album released while he was alive. Upon putting the final touches to the last track, which would probably have been titled "Shit uncontrollably", an unknown assailant (now believed to be Zorro,) snuck into his house and murdered him as he shat uncontrollably. Michael Dicksense found out the day after, and compiled the album and uploaded it in memory of his fallen friend. The album is, to this day, thought to be the best Professor Buddingsquarks album ever released, with tracks such as Glechit Beat, Shit Shore, Tesco Situation, Black Ninja Strike and Automated Rape sending fans crazy. Glechit Beat and Shit Shore hit the VoC charts and stayed there for three billion years. The recovery of The Lost Tapes A few months afterwards, Dicksense uncovered some lost tracks recorded, but not uploaded, by Professor Buddingsquarks. He then uploaded them, because poo poo peepe Nobody really liked it, though. The 'revival' of Professor Buddingsquarks He was somehow revived for one album but died again because he's A LITTLE FUCKIN PRAT! The result was 'Nigger Digger', an actually terrible album. It was bad because professor buddingsquarks was forced to use an electric guitar plugged into a bass amp, and it just wasn't the fucking same tbh. The Zombification of Professor Buddingsquarks In september 2016, Vortex of Crap was deleted. When it was revived as Nu-VoC, something else was also revived as a side-effect. Zombie Professor Buddingsquarks rose to haunt shitcore forever, submitting a track to THE RETURN OF VOC. However, his arms fell off after recording this track so he can never fucking make music again. Stop asking when he'll come back. Fuck off. List of releases * Your Face is an shambles * Magic Muff * Space Arse! * Nob Forest * Slave Rave * Cunt Castle * Pus Bus * Plum Cum * The Lost Tapes * Nigger Digger